Expiry by Lamplight
by Jet556
Summary: Since the invention of VHS, it has been a tradition in Norrisville to show a movie called "Expiry by Lamplight" on the big screen once a year. Some kids go to see it. Weirdness ensues.
1. Just a Movie

**Welcome back. This one will serve as a breather after the bittersweet endings of my previous stories. Enjoy and review.**

 **Just a Movie**

"Expiry by Lamplight" was a silent horror film made in 1926 by Ken Finlayson's great-grandfather. At the time it had been considered the scariest film ever made but eventually other films took that spot. The film had been quite popular in Norrisville and there was a tradition of showing it every year at movie theatres since the invention of VHS, DVD and the like.

For Ken Finlayson, who had always viewed "Expiry by Lamplight" as just a movie, the moment he found out one of the films his great-grandfather had directed was popular in Norrisville he tried to be noticed as more than just the odd deformed guy. This was something that caused his girlfriend and possible fiancée Heidi Weinerman to roll her eyes. Both his and her family were trying to figure out just what exactly had happened, they think she might have proposed for him and accepted but since she had said to Ken's infant niece Sarah "Here is Aunt Heidi" it may have just been her referring to herself as such since she was Ken's girlfriend. As previously stated, both families were still trying to figure it out. Ken's dad Rick Finlayson and Ken's half-brother-in-law Cerdic Warburton along with Heidi's father dad Mort Weinerman were all pretty sure she had proposed for him and accepted the proposal.

"My great-grandfather is Archibald Finlayson." Stated Ken to a bunch of others outside the theatre. "The same Archibald Finlayson who directed 'Expiry by Lamplight.'"

"Can I see a family tree that proves this?" asked Debbie Kang skeptically.

"Isn't my word good enough?" asked Ken.

"By that logic I'm related to Eugene Kang, Jimmy Kang, Kristi Kang and Kang Kek Iew." Replied Debbie.

"Ignore her, Ken." Whispered Heidi. "You know he was your great-grandfather and I believe you."

"Thanks, Heidi." Ken turned his head to look at the wall of the theatre. There was blood weeping down the walls. Early that same day, Ken had seen dogs forming into packs. The evidence was there. His mom was in the area. "Ah jeeze, why does my mom have to be out of the house?"

"Its not like she puts Old Nick on a pedestal." Said Heidi.

"She doesn't have to." Stated Ken. "He has put her on a pedestal."

"Wasn't she in the hospital for something?" asked Heidi.

"Yeah, to get cosmetic surgery done." Replied Ken. "Her chin, lips, cheeks and eyelids."

"What?" asked Heidi with a most confused voice. "The woman can't produce saliva, shouldn't be there for something like that instead?"

"Well, no matter how she looks given her preference for speaking German I doubt she'll be getting cuddlier." Said Ken. "Also the jury is still out on if she even is a woman… You once mistook her for my family's hat-rack."

"And my dad calls her 'the Witch.'" Said Heidi.


	2. Ten Minutes

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

 **Ten Minutes**

Ten minutes to show time. Still there was blood dripping from the walls. It seemed Mrs. Finlayson was still in the specific area. As Ken and Heidi sat in the theatre, waiting for the movie to start a scream was heard coming from outside of the theatre they were in. Ken jumped from his seat and ran out of the theatre to find a very shaken Theresa against the wall.

"What is it, Theresa?" asked Ken. "What did you see?"

"A not quite human woman!" exclaimed Theresa.

Ken paused and stared. That description. It fit his mother perfectly. She was in the theatre! Not a specific theatre like Theatre 1 or Theatre 2! She was in the very movie theatre itself! Immediately, Ken whipped out his cell phone and dialed his home number all while muttering: "Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up!"

"Hello?" asked a Cary Grant-like voice. It was his dad! His dad was alright!

"Dad, you're alive!" exclaimed Ken.

"I'm blind not physically ill!" moaned Rick Finlayson.

"Mom is here at the movie theatre." Said Ken.

"Why?" asked Rick. "She hasn't set foot in a movie theatre since the disgrace to the works of—"

"Did she tell you she was going at all?" asked Ken.

"Ken, she never tells anyone anything." Answered Rick. "Do you remember the shopping spree she went on in New York, Lincolnshire?" The Finlayson family had lived in the New York in Lincolnshire, the New York in North Yorkshire, the New York in Tyne and Wear… basically a lot of New York's… and only in Lincolnshire did Mrs. Finlayson go for a shopping spree.

"Yes…" Ken looked at the frightened Theresa.

"Maybe she's tired of being physically cold." Suggested Rick. Mrs. Finlayson was so physically cold that Rick had to have a blanket handed when they went to bed.

Ken laughed. "Yeah, if she were to fall into a volcano the shock of the coldest thing hitting the hottest would actually cause the Earth to split in two…" Ken continued laughing. "A smile from her could freeze Mercury!"

"Clam up, smart Alec." Said Rick. "That's your mother you are talking about!"


	3. Afterwards

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

 **Afterwards**

Once the movie was done, Ken stood outside of the theatre looking at the coming attractions. One movie was called "Devil of the Profound" another was called "Hazard in the Abyss." Now why did those titles ring a bell?

As Ken contemplated all this, an ominous outline fell upon Ken. Turning around, Ken saw nobody there yet there had been.

"Hey!" Ken turned once more and saw Heidi walking towards him. "Glad to know you are still here."

"Talking with friends is good." Said Ken. "You should talk to your friends."

"They can be your friends too." Commented Heidi.

"Suppose they wouldn't want me as a friend." Suggested Ken.

"You've come a long way, Ken." Said Heidi. "I think they are more likely to want you as a friend now."

"What is your opinion about my mom?" asked Ken.

"You mean my future mother-in-law?" asked Heidi, jokingly. "I guess she is weird but I could get used to her."

"It has been a month since you met her." Stated Ken.

"I never said I could get used to her quickly." Defended Heidi.

Ken laughed. "I guess I'm being hypocritical. She gave birth to me and it took me a while to get used to her."

 **The End**


End file.
